If it's not this, it's that!

I went and saw Ethan today! I got to hold him for almost 4 1/2 hrs and I got to feed him 2x and change him a few times! It was so nice just to sit there and hold my baby! He is doing pretty well, he is done with jaundice so no more lights! I cant remember if I told everyone in my last post or not but he also doesn't have a iv anymore. He was taken off of the high flow canula and put on a regular one as a "trial" to see if he could handle it, and he has! Very well! They started him on 100% oxygen and he has already been reduced 2x and before I left they were talking about reducing it again! He is also getting better and better at taking a bottle, it is still a work in progress but at least he is progressing. He is now weighing 6lb 12oz which his drs seem to be happy with, he is averaging 2oz of gain a day. Now to the bad news...he is having a echocaridagram in the morning because they think he has a heart murmur. They are telling me that it is not a big deal that most children out grow them but I can't help but be worried. They also told me that they are going to look at the heart really well and try to figure out why his pulse drops every once in awhile. They think he might have arrhythmia. As I said iun my title, if it's not this, it's that. That is exactly how I feel right now. I would have never imagined there would be so many problems. I thought all we had to worry about was the SB stuff, the sac, hydro,voiding,movement...yet all those things are just fine and he has so many other problems. I also feel like as soon as he has 1 or 2 very good improvments, he hsa something else happen. I just continue to pray that things will balance out and he will be able to come home the end of the week still.

I have been having a hard time with all the things going on. I try to be strong and not say too much about it, but it is really starting to get to me.I just want my baby boy healthy and at home with me. The nicu doesnt bother me much at all while I am there, but after I leave I am constantly hearing the alarms and buzzers going of and I catch myself looking up to my right (where Ethan's monitor screens are) to see whats going on. Greg told me that I am absoutly crazy..and Im starting to agree with him :)

Greg seems to be handling things well. He doesnt like going to the nicu at all, he loves seeing his son but he hates to hear the alarms and all the crying. He is convenced that the babies are crying in pain and that they are all dieing..as many times as i ave told him they are just crying bc thats what babies do and they are not dieing, they are there getting better, he still feels the same. I know he will be much more at ease as well once Ethan is at home with us!