A week from today.

We're only a week away from Ethan's surgery and my emotions are consuming me. I am keeping myself busy with work and things around the house,yet it still keeps running through my mind.
I am terrified of losing my son.But I try to remind myself of all the people I know that have made it through spinal surgery just fine.It is still just so scary knowing what my son is about to go through.

He had his 4 month check up today.Things went well,he is 19.1lbs 25 3/4in and his head is a "normal" 26cm! The dr was fussing at me about his weight telling me how he is off the charts and is the weight of a 12 month old ect. ect. But when I told her he only eats 6oz every 3-4hrs she was at a loss of what to do. She recommended we start solids so we can limit calorie intake but I insisted we wait until after recovery from surgery and she said she totally agreed that she forgot that was coming up. He also got 4 shots today and the poor baby was very upset. I had to giggle a little when he was crying, got quiet,looked at the nurse and screamed, then he got quite again and puckered out his lip.

I look at Ethan and I am in awe. He is so little yet so strong. He is oblivious to all the trials in this world and is just happy to be alive! He enjoys the littlest simplest of things. I love the moments we share together. Holding him in my arms and him looking up at me smiling.It makes my heart melt! I love him more and more every second.Being a mother is a different kind of love, a love that runs deeper than anything I have ever felt before.Yet it is the most wonderful feeling,and I am so grateful I have been given the opportunity to feel it and share it with him!